Hi Brothers and Sisters,
I am born and raised into Hinduism (like most are in India) and unlike a lot of the kids of my generation, I was very faithful and sincere to my religion and its customs. I very deeply believed that I am just a shell, a vehicle and God is the one steering me and I knew that he would steer me in the right path, Every single time. So naturally, When something did not work out or something went wrong, I used to beg and punish myself because I thought God has forsaken me!
Then, I went through a really rough patch in my life that changed EVERYTHING! Its not just one incident that happened on one day. It was a series of events, hurdles, Problems, failures, that completely broke and shattered me. I still remember the fateful day when it all started, It was June 24th, 2011. That night I sat in the prayer room in front of our altar at home, The whole night, tears streaming down my face. I kept whispering, “Why did you do this to me?” When the sun rose the next morning and I walked out of the room, I knew nothing was going to be the same anymore. Ever since then, I haven’t prayed to god, at least the way I used to.
For a long time after that, I had no faith in anything, Spiritually speaking. My life was still spiraling around but I had become so indifferent towards everything. My only thought was, My life is not in my hands. Whatever is happening to me is not in my control. And this thought surrounded me with negativity and kept me in dark for a very long time. The final push over the edge was the birth of my first baby and I went into depression! Doctors called it post-traumatic depression caused due to the childbirth but only I knew that this was due from quite some time.
My baby is my angel, the light of my life and I love her more than anything in this whole wide world but even so, I felt so empty and hopeless. Every night I went to sleep, I used to think, “Let me just die in my sleep and all of this will be over!” When I woke up the next morning, I simply felt even more depressed! I used to splurge and waste away my money in things I did not need, in search of even a smidgen of happiness. I drew away from family and friends, I preferred to stay alone and more often than not, I was replaying my own death in a million different ways in my mind, over and over again!
And then came the next big turning point in my life! This incident literally killed me, or the old me and I was re-born again, into a completely different person.
But that story is for the next time. Until then, hit that follow button to stay posted.
Stay Blessed. Stay Happy!